Why you should probably pass an IQ test to reproduce

This time I'm going to have a whine about stupid parents.  Particularly the ones mentioned above.

You see I used to work in retail selling these very games.  I used to get the abuse for not selling children these games.  I have also been an avid gamer in my past days.  There have been times in my life where it was work, eat, sleep and play video games.  An online video game is even how I met my husband.

But I have to take issue with parents who walk into a store and expect to be able to pick up rated content and give it to their children.  A manager I worked under had to deal with a particularly irate customer who lost it because we refused to sell him Grand Theft Auto for his four year old child.  I've had customers more or less spit in my face for denying them sales (where I worked at the time you could be fired and or fined $10,000 personally for selling a rated game knowingly to a minor.  That means if you were confident that the parent was buying for the child even if they hadn't said it you had better deny the sale).

I have seen parents walk in with their clearly under age children and pick up some of the most violent video games and turn from happy customers to the demon spawn in a matter of moments because their 10 year old cannot have these games.

And now I will get the real point of my rant.  Video games are no longer the exclusive domain of children.  I know more adults who play Pokemon than children.  Just like there are more men aged 20-35 watching the latest reincarnation of My Little Ponies than girls in the target audience of about 5-12 years (somewhere around there).

While adults might be fine to play these games for a while, sometimes we adults need something more our level.  And the video game industry realizes this.  So they have supplied an answer.  They supply us with games that aren't full of fluffy bunnies and happy sunflowers.  And most countries have supplied suitable laws that state that such games should be rated and classified so that only people who are (supposedly) grown up enough to sort fact from fiction can release their rage on pixels on a screen instead of their work or school mates.

So when parents (and many religious orientated family institutions) rage about these games falling into children's hands I will make these points.

1. Until your child gets a job of their own they have an income of what ever you give them
A five year old has no capacity to earn money to purchase these games.  A ten year old might have an income of a couple dollars a week from a paper route or mowing a friends law or what ever.  Its probably not until a child reaches 14 or 15 years of age that they have any real source of income other than mum and dad.  So if a child who has no job obtains these video games there is only one source ... you the parent.  And if someone was to offer your child one of these games as a gift then I would hope you have the sense to tell them to get something else.

2. There are rating systems FOR A REASON
As the image above says "would you buy your five year old a porn magazine then get upset by its content?"  No.  Because I'm hoping that most parents would have the sense to realize buying a child a porn magazine is a bad idea.  Buying a child a R18 movie or video game ... I would hope you have the same sense.  Seriously, read the bloody label.  R18 means that there will be violence, bad language and probably something in the sexual department.  Get a clue.

3. What if the adult wants to play
Well hate to burst that bubble.  Most modern gaming systems have a parental lock on them now.  So you have to enter a PIN or password to play certain games.    Might be a pain in the butt to enter a password or PIN number but it means you little ones can't get access to violent content.

The only game I have ever taken issue with was Grand Theft Auto.  That is a game that purposefully goes out of its way to glorify a lawless society.  I don't think we need that in society.  But other than this game I have no issue with violence in video games.

At the end of the day you can think of it this way ... if you don't like it don't buy it.  You control what your child sees and does.  So don't complain that video game makers make content for their target market.  Get a clue and buy content that is suitable for your child by maybe doing something like glancing at the rating on the box.  Violent video games are not made for your child's eyes.  They are made for adults.  So don't make them a child's entertainment then complain because they are violent.  There are many many titles out there that are suitable for children.

Don't push your views on this subject on others because you are too lazy to read the back of the box.

Confessions of the suicidal

Yesterday I posted my thoughts in the depths of a depressive episode.

I call them episodes because often they come and go.  They can be triggered by anything.  Yesterday was triggered by my husband going to work.  He is working some night shifts so I was left alone in the house.  Again.  Alone in a town where I don't really have any friends.

Because I don't really have friends outside of the internet it can be rather crushing at times.  The house your supposed to love and nurture becomes a prison.  My only companions are my pets.  They cannot talk back to me and they fail to understand the emotions they sense coming from me.  To them this house is the happiest place in the world because the humans that love and feed them live there.

When  you cannot even get a job at a fast food restaurant, you begin to question everything.  I like to pretend there is a reason for my existence   Even though I have posted about there being no higher power in the past, I still like to keep that illusion, that illusion that this hard time will pass and I will see why soon enough.  I'm scared, alone and confused, stuck in a town I hate because here my husband has a very good job.  I am thousands of miles and an ocean away from my own family and the only family my husband has is preparing to leave town in about a week's time.

I often don't feel entitled to my depression because when I look around me I have so much that so many other people would love to have.  I have a roof over my head, a loving husband, clothes on my back, a well stocked pantry.  What more could I ask for.

How about a friend?

How about one person I can talk too outside of my house.  One person I could have a laugh with.

Modern society is a crushing place to live in.  We are forever being further and further isolated from the community as a whole, social media is making us more and more narcissistic.  We are moving further from our families, the demand for both mother and father in a family to have a career is growing and as we fill our lives with work and travel and things, we all seem to be a little more distant from one another, our bubbles growing that little bit more bigger.

I am not ashamed of yesterday's post.  I don't see a reason to hide the subject of suicide from anyone.  Mostly because those who do attempt or commit suicide want one thing.  Someone to ask "Are you ok?" and then stick around for the answer.  Or not take no as a suitable answer.

Suicide is a horrible thing to go through for anyone.  But those who are in too much pain or have reached rock bottom are the ones that make it.  The demon's that you want to carve out of your head can't be silenced or there just seems no other option.

I probably should be in hospital.  I probably should be in the looney bin.  But I know the out come of that.  I will be doped up to the gills and nothing will really be done to address the issues that have caused these bouts of depression.  They just fill you up with medication, which has been proven to be ineffective in a number of patients, if not addictive.  Here's a pill ... you'll be right ... off you go ...

Have you ever wondered why so many people who fail try again?  Because our society isn't set up to deal with them.  Our society is set up to feed pharmaceutical companies that make money from selling a pill.  It is not set up to correct the real issues behind suicide.

Like the crushing loneliness of living in a town in the middle of a desert.  I can feel my life force being sucked out every day.  I crave to make something grow in the ground.  I love to grow vegetables and fruit and my own food.  But the dirt here is too dry, too poor.  There is barely any rain.  The heat in summer is intense and my plants just wither and die.  And each summer I spend here I wither and die a bit more as I feel my own soul being parched not by the climate but by the shackles of money.

Me and my husband would not live in this town but for money.  And each day a part of me dies because of it.

Yesterday I wrote a raw post about the thoughts that go through the mind of someone who is deep in the darkness of depression.  I showed you a glimpse of what some of the thought processes might be in someone who is struggling with the question of "why am I alive?"  or perhaps "What point is there for me to be alive?"  I do not believe this should be hidden away.  Anyone who is this far into the darkness needs help.  They need someone to be their light.  I'm not talking about a religion here or some other BS like that.  They just need someone to treat them like a human and show them that they matter.

But you might not see someone who is that far gone until it is too late.  If they are like me, they will be pretty good at hiding it.  I wait until I am alone before I cry.  I wait until I am alone before I howl into the air with agony.  I wait until I am sure there is no one to hear me to take off the mask.

Why don't I take my own advise?  Why don't I let someone in.

I have tried to let others in before but it quickly becomes about them.  My husband thinks that it is all his fault.  He gets upset and depressed himself because he thinks he is the one causing all this.  It is so hard to talk to someone when they so easily descend into their own abyss and don't really listen to what you have to say.  How can I solve the problem at hand when my husband won't even listen to the words I have to say?

I left my family in another country because they did this too.  I have been to therapist after therapist seeking an answer.  None of them really understand.  They think a text book is enough to give them knowledge of what I struggle with each day.  They are sadly mistaken.

So at the end of it all I am left with a life that has been pounded into sand, a life that will be meaningless after I die.  Sure my children will remember me for their life time and my grand children but then I will just be another nameless creature, a tiny blip in the history of the universe.  A whisper in the wind.

It is at times like this I think of a story my grand father told me.  About how his best friend committed suicide.  His best friend was like me, in mental anguish every second of every day.  He took his life to end it all.  I can't help but think ... one day that will be me.  That will be my conclusion to life.  One day the pain will get too much and I will achieve what I pray for everyday.  The end to a pointless existence.

One day I know the demons will win.

a farewell to the world

I beg what ever higher power is out there "please let my heart stop".  Please let my pain end and these tears dry up.

I scream and scream and scream and no one looks up.

I am but one tiny insignificant spec in a world obsessed with itself.  There is no room for me.

No matter how hard I beg for the one thing I need I am still too gutless to slit my wrists.

My prayers go unanswered.  Why can't it end?

This torment is too much, the horrors in my mind I try to claw out but I cannot reach what does not exist.

Trapped, alone, unable to ask for what I need, not knowing what I need, wondering if I have a right to ask for it when I have so much and others have so little.  How can I be so selfish as to cry because my privileged life is not enough.

Agony, just agony.  I want it to end, I need it to end.  But I cannot cut it out.

Tears are like blood on my cheeks.

No one will hear the cry.

A million people will walk by and no one will hear.

How do I tell those I love what is killing me when they cannot understand, when they cannot see.

What is there to live for?  My cat?  The one creature that would truly die without me?  A husband who cannot see how the life I am leading right now kills me?  My dog ... she would find another to love.

A family that would be angry at me for leaving this world, yet they have never once understood me?

What is it that I have to live for?

The universe will still go on, regardless if one spec checks out.

In a generation I will be lost to history, another nameless face no one remembers.  Who would even care that I took my life?

I cannot find a reason that is justifiable to live.

I will dry my eyes.  I will bottle up a bit more.

Who knows ... maybe next time I crack I will end my pain.  I will have the courage to actually do it.

I clean up this shell of a human being and lock away this raw emotion.

No one will understand it.  No one will listen.

So for now I will paint over the cracks, put on a brave face and hide.

Hide the pain that no one can help me with.

With lock and key it is put away.

Maybe next time I will succeed.

This is all I hope and pray for in a world where asking for help gets you no where.

Maybe next time I will be brave.

Maybe next time ...

Internet Pirates ... the new revolution

The new revolution you say?  Pirates ... the kind who steal music and movies and TV shows?  How can they be a revolution?

Well you might be a bit surprised my my response to this.  I see internet piracy not as stealing, but as an answer to the world we now live in.

We in Western countries are under the illusion that we live in a democratic world.  America especially.  But we long ago lost our governments to those who can pay the most.

You might think "Yeah right" but this about this.  Ipods, Ipads, Iphones ... all massively inferior products compared with other similar products on the market, but yet they have enjoyed massive popularity.  Why?  They have been cleverly marketed to the masses.  So any company with enough money and a bit of luck can get the masses to do what ever they want.  Buy a product, believe in a political candidate, give up their rights to security so that marketing companies can convince them to buy more ...

Think about the anti piracy policies before governments around the world.  Not only does these laws give far reaching, probably illegal rights to certain governments to attack citizens of other countries, not only do they force the average Joe to give up too much privacy for so little gain, they also support the massive corporations supporting these bills with their massive bank balances.  These bills are not designed for the protection of the people but the protection of those who's bank accounts are obscenely large.

Therefore internet piracy of copyrighted material I believe is no longer about getting something for free.  I see it more as a rebellion against big business that is crippling and destroying this world, whether those who download content see it this way or not.

This world is dying from greed.  The need to keep investors happy and sell more product at the expense of the world, the extravagant luxury that we enjoy in the west comes at a price.  The demand for a new phone, TV, computer etc every year means that resources that are rare to begin with are heavily strained when billions of people are in demand for these products.  In reality we don't need a new mobile phone every year.  We could go years with the same phone until it broke.  But we are sold the need for a new item every year with little thought to what happens to said discarded product.

But we are not discussing the wastefulness of society.  Perhaps another post.  We are discussing the revolution of piracy.  See to produce a CD or a Bluray disk is ridiculously cheap.  To upload a digital copy of a piece of media and store it on a server is even less.  And yet we have to pay prices that are massively disproportionate to the true cost.  Why?  Because a long the way so many other people have their hand in the pot taking their part of the price.

So pirates have said enough is enough.  Why should we pay for every tom dick and harry that wishes to line his own pockets before said item reaches us.  Pirates are often happy to shell out for content once they have sampled it, they are often happy to pay for concert tickets or other merchandise.

But this is all over looked because pirates are perceived as thieves.  I guess this could be true as the word pirate is a word for a thief.  No one seems to care that pirates support artists in much greater ways than the sale of a few songs.  So these corporations alienate the ones who they should be supporting.  Especially when they fail to see that these people are the ones that could so easily take them down should they choose to give their money to another corporation.

Piracy is about saying that we the people will not be controlled by those with more money than sense.  What about the artists you say.  Well consider that most artists only make about 10% from the sale of an album or song.  However they make much more from performing at a concert.  I guess you wonder where the other 90 % of the sale of an album goes.  Well it doesn't go to the artist but to suppliers.  So the record label, the so called suppliers like itunes ... these are the people that really benefit from the content and artist produces.  Not the artist.

So instead of lining the pockets of people who are already rich enough pirates decide that they don't want to have a part of that.

What about movies?  Well I like to think pirates are encouraging the movie industry to better itself.  Well we all hope for a better world because I have yet to see it.  Now days people want a spectacle when they go to the movies.  I certainly do.  My TV at home does much better than any movie theatre.  So if I go to the movies I want to see something amazing.  Not another romantic comedy (by the way has been a very long time since a good one of those has been released) or something that can be spit out in five mins by the movie industry.  If the movie industry wants my money they have to give me something to worth my money to go see.  Especially at the prices they charge.

When the human race is faced with a dictator that they know at heart is wrong, the human spirit causes the people to rise.  The people are rising, the people are already voting with their feet.  Or their keyboards.  They are saying that the current business models aren't working and demanding more.  So are the corporations going to listen to us or are they going to label us thieves.

bullying ... the irony of rallying against it

You might think from this title I'm going to have a rant at people who are bullied.  I'm not.  I'm one of those people who has suffered significantly at the hands of bullies.  Bullies have cost me my job, my career and my mental health at different points in my life.  The careless actions of others do have significant consequences, and unfortunately those consequences are experienced by me.

I grew up not knowing that I was an Aspie.  I didn't know why I was different.  I just knew that I was and I knew that the other kids saw that as a weakness.  I have suffered all forms of violence - mental, emotional, physical and even some sexual.  This is a constant theme in my life and sometimes I think I am lucky to just be happy and healthy where I'm at.

My last boss degraded me and yelled and screamed at me so much I became suicidal.  I would wake up in the morning and sit on my couch crying hysterically because I didn't want to face another day at work.  Then I would have to wipe my tears from my face, put on my mask, and go earn some money.  When I would drive home from work I would have to fight the urge to flick the wheel of my car so my car would go head on into a car approaching me.  All so I didn't have to spend another day being belittled and treated as worthless.  Two things stopped me from doing this.  My husband was one.  I know my husband probably wouldn't cope if I had killed myself.  The second was I did not want to hurt another person, to cause more suffering because I was hurting.

As a result of the extreme bullying I suffered, I had a break down.  I pretty big one.  I had to quit my job.  I had to quit because I had been to HR many many times asking for help, I had tried to get help from managers, I had tried to get help to deal with this problem in so many places.  In the end I couldn't get help.  Even after I was transferred to another department, away from this horrible person, I still could not cope.  In the end I had to give up a career I enjoyed and my job, my identity in this world, because the company I worked for took this manager's side.

The worst part about this is that this manager readily admitted to being a bitch (her words).  She took delight in making other suffer.  The only people that liked her were people who were superior to her.  All those beneath her hated her with a passion.  In fact many of the men were very close to over looking the fact she was a woman if they had found her in the right place outside of work.  That's how bad it was.

So those of you who think bullying is harmless, think again.  The emotional strain was so great that I lost my job.  Not this manager who clearly was targeting me.  She was protected.  The industry I worked in at the time, a heavy manufacturing industry, was short on women in managerial roles.  So when she started I was excited to be learning from another woman.  I was excited at the prospect of a female role model for the industry I had chosen to be in.  But she was far from it.

I like to think that Karma will reward this woman one day for her actions.  Perhaps it already has because I knew this woman had given up much of what she wanted in life for something less meaningful.  She gave up what I saw in her heart as her true desires for money.  So perhaps she will be rewarded in that way.  That one day she will awaken and realize its too late to be a mother or what have you.  Perhaps Karma will find another way.  Who knows.

I have found reward in life by participating in volunteer work.  I now have reward by helping a local no kill animal charity to rescue dogs and cats.  But I still ache for the identity a job can give you.  My prospects now are to go back to a fast food restaurant and beg for work.  When you hold a bachelors degree, it can be a bit hard to swallow that your only job prospect is the same as the job a high school student would take. Then again, it can also be difficult when your over qualified for said position.  Employers don't always take the over qualified over the under qualified.

I have seen many an article recently about "rallying against bullying".  After telling my sob story of why I no longer hold employment, a story which glosses over many details, I have to laugh ironically at this rallying.  Why might you ask?  Because many bullies no doubt will be in the ranks of those protesting.  Whether they know it or not, many of the people in the rally will be a bully in some form or another.  They probably have rationalized away their little nit picks and cutting words so they have convinced themselves they are good people.

I guess you could say the old proverb "those without sin should cast the first stone".  Of those in that rally there would be the ones that have committed the sin and are there to repent.  I guess I have no issue with that.  It takes a big person to admit they are wrong and then try to fix it.  But its more that there will be a significant number of people who think that they can show up, rally for something they think they believe in, then continue without a change in behavior.

This is like the many many "like this and help a cancer patient" type posts we see on Facebook.  We think if we make the token effort, but not really put effort into change, we will be all good.  But the issue I have with rallying against bullying particularly is rallying isn't really going to do a lot.  To stop bullying, there needs to be a change in society.  This is something that cannot be legislated against.  How can you legislate against two children pushing each other in a school yard?  This change needs to come from the individual.  So rallying is kind of pointless except to raise awareness.  My experiences of raising awareness is the human race gets bored easily and moves on.

Wealth distribution ... what am I'm slogging my guts out for again?

I watched this video recently and it really made think.  It also made me a bit disgusted.

This video is a very visual presentation of wealth distribution in America.  There is no need to think that this is an isolated case.  I would say many so called first world countries are in this situation, if not all of them.

I guess me and my husband would be classified as middle class.  We earn enough to be have a comfortable life.  We don't really want for anything.  The only things me and my husband want for are in reality wants, not needs.  We don't lack food, shelter, clothing, education, medical care.  We could be worse off.  But when I look at these examples and realize that our income is actually somewhere in the non existent part of the true distribution, it makes me wonder what is wrong with this world.

When I got my first job in the country I currently live in, I was earning about $55,000 a year.  Which is not a lot in this country with its inflated economy.  In my home country that is a dream income, an income that would put you in the top 25% of earners for that country.  In the country I live in now, this would probably put in the lower 50% of earners.  When I started this particular job, I was told that I was in the top 5% of earners for the world.  That a huge percentage of people live on less that $1 a day.  This little fact shocked me.  Mostly because an income that doesn't seem like a lot because of where I lived actually was.

Then when I watch this video and realize that I'm way down the far end of the curve and realize that a tiny few people make the rest of us look like paupers, it really fires me up.  It fires me up because the first thing I think is why do you need that much money?  The next is how much good can be done in this world if that money was in the hands of charities or in the hands of those who want to make a difference instead of hidden away?  I see all the good in the world that could be done with that money and it achieves nothing.

This is why I have respect for billionaires like Bill Gates who have pledged to give away their fortunes.  Bill Gates has put millions of dollars into education and given children who might not have had an education a future.  Its hard to find fault with someone who wants to give others a chance.

I have heard that if wealth was distributed more evenly, poverty would be no more.  And certainly when you look at how wealth is massively skewed in one direction its hard not to think that.  But I would like you to consider something for a bit.  And no I am not defending having a tiny number of people with a massive percentage of wealth here.  I am however going to make a point about those who think merely redistributing wealth won't be very successful with that vision.

Let's do a thought experiment here.  Let us pretend that by some magical event, everyone in the world suddenly has $10 and that $10 represents the total sum of every person's wealth.  Everyone is now on equal standing.  Now there will be some people who learn to cheat others out of that money, there will be some people who learn to use that money to grow wealth.  There will be some that manage to keep their wealth steady.  Pretty soon there will be people who have frittered away that $10 or lost it by being cheated out of it in some way.  There will be those who are frugal and managed to hold onto that wealth but not really grow it.  There will be those that take that wealth and make wise investment of it and their wealth grows, perhaps taking from those who are so ready to give it up.  Soon we will be back to square one.  There will be haves and have nots.

In the school systems I grew up in I was never taught about how to handle money.  I was never taught about finance contracts or how to save for something.  I was never taught about the pitfalls of money or what a wise investment might be.  Sure I was taught about science and English and maths consisted of a lot of stuff I have forgotten or have no actual use for in my current life.  English stopped being useful once I could successful read and write (so around 10 years of age).  The sciences taught me curiosity but I really don't need to know the equations for the motion of a ball in flight to live my life.

Most people now days are not able to manage their finances appropriately.  That is live without debt (in my view).  So if you have a bunch of people making unwise decisions about finance how can you have them teach their children these lessons.  My parents had to have everything and they had to have it now.  So all I saw was them struggle to pay their debts each pay check.  I don't really blame the masses.  Mostly because debt suits those who seek to money from it, not those that they bleed for it.

But then again those who are ignorant of finance or credit card debt or hire purchase contracts, they are the bread and butter of finance companies.  When I worked in retail and processed finance contracts for a living, the great trap contract was the early exit contract.  Pay nothing till some time next year it would say.  The trap was if you paid out the contract by the exact terms of it, you paid about three years of interest on something that was worth nothing by the time you started paying for it.  These contracts were great if you were disciplined because if you paid out the contract before the first payment was due then you got no interest.  Not very good for the finance company.  But if you forgot and let that contract go one day over you got a nice big whack of interest added to your outstanding amount.  A win for the finance company.

I know this because I worked in the industry.  So I was able to learn how to make credit and finance work for me.  But not everyone is lucky enough to have this experience.  I propose that schools should teach a compulsory course starting about about year 7 (10 years old) which teaches life skills.  How to manage finances.  How to be a parent.  How to look after yourself in the real world.  Then perhaps we can have people who make good choices with money.  And that distribution might start flattening out a bit because there is less suckers to have their $10 taken from them.

monogamy ... is it really that hard?

http://www.danscartoons.com/wed3_demo.gif

Another subject that has been coming up a lot recently is the question "Are humans really a monogamous species?"  There seems to be a lot of so called research and experts coming out that say no we are in fact not and that monogamy is something we aspire to but cannot really have.  They then go on to compare us to some other monkey species that are closely related and how they are not monogamous and say "Well here is your proof".

I think that is a bit of a con.  Its like saying "It was an accident" when someone is caught cheating.  What you accidentally undid your fly, pulled off your pants and underwear, accidentally "fell into bed", then "accidentally" inserted a penis into vagina for the next (well you can insert an appropriate length of time here).  I honestly don't think there is any accident about it.  An accident is slipping with a knife and cutting your finger, an accident is pulling out into traffic and colliding with another car, an accident is stubbing your toe as you walk in the door.  Having sex with someone is a sustained act and there is no "accident" about it.

Clearly if you cheat you want to cheat.  As grown adults we assume that adults are in fact in control of their actions.  So "accidentally" inserting a penis into a vagina for lets say ten minutes is not an accidental action.  Both sides of the argument can't claim it was accidental.

Ok enough about the logistics of cheating.

Getting back to monogamy.  While I see all these news articles basically giving licence to men and women to treat relationships as garbage, I wonder how far we are letting society crumble.  It wasn't that long ago when you got married it was literally until death do us part.  Now days its until we get bored.  Or find someone else who is more interesting.

But I challenge that and say we are a monogamous species.

Its in a woman's interests to select a breeding partner with something to offer in terms of resources.  When you consider that now days parents are stuck with their child until somewhere between 18 and 25 (depending on where you live and how much separation anxiety the mum goes through letting go of her child), that's a pretty long time to be supporting the child and pumping resources into said child.  There is food, clothing, schooling, medical treatments, outings, toys, sports teams, social activities ... to name a few.  The estimates I have seen have put raising one child at costing the parents between $250,000 to $500,000 by the age of 18 I believe.  That's before they even go to collage or uni!!  So a woman needs a man who will stick around to provide, in more ways than one.

Other research has shown that a child with both parents, or at least two parents who contribute to their lives (not necessarily having to be related) do better in the long run.  They do better socially and academically.  So this shows there is benefit for us as a species having both parents around long term.  There is also benefit for the male from an evolutionary perspective that he can better ensure that his genetic material will be passed on by insuring the survival of his off spring.

Which leads to why human women make themselves available for sex pretty much all the time.  This keeps their mate's need for procreation satisfied so he is less likely to move onto the next mate.  Therefore from the evolutionary stand point, the male is more likely to support the female in raising her children.

The point I'm really building to is this.  These studies basically give licence to the cheating husband or wife.  They basically say "hey this is your genetic make up ...  go nuts.  Forget all you know about monogamy."  I would argue that we as a society have lost what it means to be in a loving and supportive relationship.

My siblings all have children.  Two of my siblings have a broken relationship with the parent of at least one of their children.  One of them even now has a new partner with a child from a previous relationship.  If children need stability in their lives to grow and be healthy, then how is it stable to have them shunted from house to house every couple of days?  Wouldn't it be better for said children to grow up with both parents under one roof?  Where they can have a stable home.  The same room every day instead of a different one every other day because mummy and daddy don't live together any more.  I feel for these children because often the parents are more concerned with scoring points with their children to get the children to like them better than with being parents to them.  They live lives that are full of everything and nothing.

We need to look at long term relationships as not something that is disposable.  A relationship in its infancy, say a couple of days or months old might be disposable.  But when you get to marriage you are stating not only to your partner but the world that you are prepared to put aside all others and focus on creating a home and life with this one person.  Why wait until you are married to figure out you want to be with someone else?  I assume you have had plenty of time before that point to figure out if this is a person you want to spend your life with and your not just drunkenly getting married in a drive by chapel in Vegas to some stripper you met two hours prior.

I think we as a species have lost the meaning of marriage.  And no I'm not bashing gays here or anything.  The meaning of marriage is nothing to do with love.  If you aren't in love before you get married you probably won't be afterwards.  I believe marriage is a legal formalization of the contract you make with your partner to say "I will stand by you no matter what, I will build a life with you, I will be with you through the tough times and the good, I will carry you when you need it and you will carry me when I need it, I will be your rock, your partner, your safe place in life."  You don't need to be in love for those things to exist but you do need them to have a successful marriage.

Marriage is considered in this world to be a throw away item almost.  Hell Kim Kardashian did it for money.  We have a romanticized notion of marriage, that its all about the big white princess dress and that the bride gets to be the center of attention for a day.  Yes that can happen.  And yes you can spend lots and lots of money on a day to have what ever fairy tale you want.  But if that is all marriage is to you then why are you getting married?

At my wedding, there were only family members.  I invited friends, but none showed up.  It was okay, I don't care.  They showed their true colors that day.  Safe to say those people are mostly no longer friends.  At the end of the day there was maybe 20 people at my wedding.  We got married by the sea, we had a barbecue to celebrate and it was a perfect day.  I wouldn't change it for a second.  But for me the day wasn't about how much I could spend, it was about formalizing what already existed.  A relationship built on trust, honesty and a desire to move forward together as one.

We as a society now think if this relationship isn't giving us what we want from it then we should move on instead of trying to fix it or meet in the middle.  And that is so sad.  Because there are so many children out there that have a broken home now because adults were too careless in their actions.  And by careless I mean they didn't value their relationship enough to protect it and work at it or they were too eager to bring a child into a relationship that was bound for failure.

We are a monogamous species I believe at heart, we have just lost the meaning of this word and have lost the knowledge of how to have a healthy lasting relationship, tossing it aside for the quick and easy.