You might think from this title I'm going to have a rant at people who are bullied. I'm not. I'm one of those people who has suffered significantly at the hands of bullies. Bullies have cost me my job, my career and my mental health at different points in my life. The careless actions of others do have significant consequences, and unfortunately those consequences are experienced by me.
I grew up not knowing that I was an Aspie. I didn't know why I was different. I just knew that I was and I knew that the other kids saw that as a weakness. I have suffered all forms of violence - mental, emotional, physical and even some sexual. This is a constant theme in my life and sometimes I think I am lucky to just be happy and healthy where I'm at.
My last boss degraded me and yelled and screamed at me so much I became suicidal. I would wake up in the morning and sit on my couch crying hysterically because I didn't want to face another day at work. Then I would have to wipe my tears from my face, put on my mask, and go earn some money. When I would drive home from work I would have to fight the urge to flick the wheel of my car so my car would go head on into a car approaching me. All so I didn't have to spend another day being belittled and treated as worthless. Two things stopped me from doing this. My husband was one. I know my husband probably wouldn't cope if I had killed myself. The second was I did not want to hurt another person, to cause more suffering because I was hurting.
As a result of the extreme bullying I suffered, I had a break down. I pretty big one. I had to quit my job. I had to quit because I had been to HR many many times asking for help, I had tried to get help from managers, I had tried to get help to deal with this problem in so many places. In the end I couldn't get help. Even after I was transferred to another department, away from this horrible person, I still could not cope. In the end I had to give up a career I enjoyed and my job, my identity in this world, because the company I worked for took this manager's side.
The worst part about this is that this manager readily admitted to being a bitch (her words). She took delight in making other suffer. The only people that liked her were people who were superior to her. All those beneath her hated her with a passion. In fact many of the men were very close to over looking the fact she was a woman if they had found her in the right place outside of work. That's how bad it was.
So those of you who think bullying is harmless, think again. The emotional strain was so great that I lost my job. Not this manager who clearly was targeting me. She was protected. The industry I worked in at the time, a heavy manufacturing industry, was short on women in managerial roles. So when she started I was excited to be learning from another woman. I was excited at the prospect of a female role model for the industry I had chosen to be in. But she was far from it.
I like to think that Karma will reward this woman one day for her actions. Perhaps it already has because I knew this woman had given up much of what she wanted in life for something less meaningful. She gave up what I saw in her heart as her true desires for money. So perhaps she will be rewarded in that way. That one day she will awaken and realize its too late to be a mother or what have you. Perhaps Karma will find another way. Who knows.
I have found reward in life by participating in volunteer work. I now have reward by helping a local no kill animal charity to rescue dogs and cats. But I still ache for the identity a job can give you. My prospects now are to go back to a fast food restaurant and beg for work. When you hold a bachelors degree, it can be a bit hard to swallow that your only job prospect is the same as the job a high school student would take. Then again, it can also be difficult when your over qualified for said position. Employers don't always take the over qualified over the under qualified.
I have seen many an article recently about "rallying against bullying". After telling my sob story of why I no longer hold employment, a story which glosses over many details, I have to laugh ironically at this rallying. Why might you ask? Because many bullies no doubt will be in the ranks of those protesting. Whether they know it or not, many of the people in the rally will be a bully in some form or another. They probably have rationalized away their little nit picks and cutting words so they have convinced themselves they are good people.
I guess you could say the old proverb "those without sin should cast the first stone". Of those in that rally there would be the ones that have committed the sin and are there to repent. I guess I have no issue with that. It takes a big person to admit they are wrong and then try to fix it. But its more that there will be a significant number of people who think that they can show up, rally for something they think they believe in, then continue without a change in behavior.
This is like the many many "like this and help a cancer patient" type posts we see on Facebook. We think if we make the token effort, but not really put effort into change, we will be all good. But the issue I have with rallying against bullying particularly is rallying isn't really going to do a lot. To stop bullying, there needs to be a change in society. This is something that cannot be legislated against. How can you legislate against two children pushing each other in a school yard? This change needs to come from the individual. So rallying is kind of pointless except to raise awareness. My experiences of raising awareness is the human race gets bored easily and moves on.
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