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Another subject that has been coming up a lot recently is the question "Are humans really a monogamous species?" There seems to be a lot of so called research and experts coming out that say no we are in fact not and that monogamy is something we aspire to but cannot really have. They then go on to compare us to some other monkey species that are closely related and how they are not monogamous and say "Well here is your proof".
I think that is a bit of a con. Its like saying "It was an accident" when someone is caught cheating. What you accidentally undid your fly, pulled off your pants and underwear, accidentally "fell into bed", then "accidentally" inserted a penis into vagina for the next (well you can insert an appropriate length of time here). I honestly don't think there is any accident about it. An accident is slipping with a knife and cutting your finger, an accident is pulling out into traffic and colliding with another car, an accident is stubbing your toe as you walk in the door. Having sex with someone is a sustained act and there is no "accident" about it.
Clearly if you cheat you want to cheat. As grown adults we assume that adults are in fact in control of their actions. So "accidentally" inserting a penis into a vagina for lets say ten minutes is not an accidental action. Both sides of the argument can't claim it was accidental.
Ok enough about the logistics of cheating.
Getting back to monogamy. While I see all these news articles basically giving licence to men and women to treat relationships as garbage, I wonder how far we are letting society crumble. It wasn't that long ago when you got married it was literally until death do us part. Now days its until we get bored. Or find someone else who is more interesting.
But I challenge that and say we are a monogamous species.
Its in a woman's interests to select a breeding partner with something to offer in terms of resources. When you consider that now days parents are stuck with their child until somewhere between 18 and 25 (depending on where you live and how much separation anxiety the mum goes through letting go of her child), that's a pretty long time to be supporting the child and pumping resources into said child. There is food, clothing, schooling, medical treatments, outings, toys, sports teams, social activities ... to name a few. The estimates I have seen have put raising one child at costing the parents between $250,000 to $500,000 by the age of 18 I believe. That's before they even go to collage or uni!! So a woman needs a man who will stick around to provide, in more ways than one.
Other research has shown that a child with both parents, or at least two parents who contribute to their lives (not necessarily having to be related) do better in the long run. They do better socially and academically. So this shows there is benefit for us as a species having both parents around long term. There is also benefit for the male from an evolutionary perspective that he can better ensure that his genetic material will be passed on by insuring the survival of his off spring.
Which leads to why human women make themselves available for sex pretty much all the time. This keeps their mate's need for procreation satisfied so he is less likely to move onto the next mate. Therefore from the evolutionary stand point, the male is more likely to support the female in raising her children.
The point I'm really building to is this. These studies basically give licence to the cheating husband or wife. They basically say "hey this is your genetic make up ... go nuts. Forget all you know about monogamy." I would argue that we as a society have lost what it means to be in a loving and supportive relationship.
My siblings all have children. Two of my siblings have a broken relationship with the parent of at least one of their children. One of them even now has a new partner with a child from a previous relationship. If children need stability in their lives to grow and be healthy, then how is it stable to have them shunted from house to house every couple of days? Wouldn't it be better for said children to grow up with both parents under one roof? Where they can have a stable home. The same room every day instead of a different one every other day because mummy and daddy don't live together any more. I feel for these children because often the parents are more concerned with scoring points with their children to get the children to like them better than with being parents to them. They live lives that are full of everything and nothing.
We need to look at long term relationships as not something that is disposable. A relationship in its infancy, say a couple of days or months old might be disposable. But when you get to marriage you are stating not only to your partner but the world that you are prepared to put aside all others and focus on creating a home and life with this one person. Why wait until you are married to figure out you want to be with someone else? I assume you have had plenty of time before that point to figure out if this is a person you want to spend your life with and your not just drunkenly getting married in a drive by chapel in Vegas to some stripper you met two hours prior.
I think we as a species have lost the meaning of marriage. And no I'm not bashing gays here or anything. The meaning of marriage is nothing to do with love. If you aren't in love before you get married you probably won't be afterwards. I believe marriage is a legal formalization of the contract you make with your partner to say "I will stand by you no matter what, I will build a life with you, I will be with you through the tough times and the good, I will carry you when you need it and you will carry me when I need it, I will be your rock, your partner, your safe place in life." You don't need to be in love for those things to exist but you do need them to have a successful marriage.
Marriage is considered in this world to be a throw away item almost. Hell Kim Kardashian did it for money. We have a romanticized notion of marriage, that its all about the big white princess dress and that the bride gets to be the center of attention for a day. Yes that can happen. And yes you can spend lots and lots of money on a day to have what ever fairy tale you want. But if that is all marriage is to you then why are you getting married?
At my wedding, there were only family members. I invited friends, but none showed up. It was okay, I don't care. They showed their true colors that day. Safe to say those people are mostly no longer friends. At the end of the day there was maybe 20 people at my wedding. We got married by the sea, we had a barbecue to celebrate and it was a perfect day. I wouldn't change it for a second. But for me the day wasn't about how much I could spend, it was about formalizing what already existed. A relationship built on trust, honesty and a desire to move forward together as one.
We as a society now think if this relationship isn't giving us what we want from it then we should move on instead of trying to fix it or meet in the middle. And that is so sad. Because there are so many children out there that have a broken home now because adults were too careless in their actions. And by careless I mean they didn't value their relationship enough to protect it and work at it or they were too eager to bring a child into a relationship that was bound for failure.
We are a monogamous species I believe at heart, we have just lost the meaning of this word and have lost the knowledge of how to have a healthy lasting relationship, tossing it aside for the quick and easy.
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