The little things you take for granted

Have you ever stopped and thought about how easy it is to say hello to another person?  To ask how their day is?  Maybe strike up a conversation?

Imagine now that saying hello to someone is enough to freeze you in panic.  Like a band is tightening around your insides.  All from a simple hello.

When you have Asperger's syndrome, social interaction is hard wired to be one of the most terrifying things imaginable.  Something most people in this world would take for granted, like the ability to talk, walk, hear, see.

It is easier for us to relate to the person who cannot walk than the person who cannot talk to another without a paralysing fear taking over them.  That is easy to understand.  The ability to interact socially is key to human society.  At all levels of society this ability is an asset rather than a disability.

Research has shown that in the brain of a person with Asperger's is structurally different than the brain of a normal person.  This means social queues are interpreted differently.  Often a person with Asperger's needs to process this information, which can take longer than the few instances a normal conversation allows.  Asperger's people often report that they think of the right thing to say at a later time.  This is because they have to process a conversation by comparing the conversation to previous experiences.  This is a slow process compared with the normal process most people will experience.

I would imagine it is similar to learning to play the piano.  At first you are clumsy and slow and unsure.  Then eventually after practice you get better at it until it becomes second nature to look at the notes on a piece of paper and make your fingers do the work.  Kind of like a child taking their first stumbling steps until they can run and play like any other child.

Expect for an Asperger's person in a way never get past those first bumbling steps.  Imagine speaking to your mother or brother or sister and having in the back of your mind that you are saying or doing something wrong.  Imagine if someone says a simple hello you are crippled by a paralysing fear of not being able to understand those signals readily.  Imagine trying to come up with a response but it just seems like your brain can't think fast enough.  You always feel like a piece is missing when you are speaking to someone and it is frustrating and terrifying.  Frustrating like trying to make two ends of rope join without glue or a knot and terrifying because you have no idea what the correct response is.

This fear and anxiety over the reactions an Asperger's person will receive for their attempts at interaction is what drives them to seek solitude and to avoid social interaction.  It takes a special kind of person to look past the unusual exterior and see the real person for this reason.